Last 15 Days of Breastfeeding...

A photo that I requested from Manny and April Photography to take during our Family Photoshoot last July

It is coming to an end, and what's more sad is it's not my choice. I am heartbroken as soon as my doctor told me I will need to stop breastfeeding soon.

Yesterday, the rheumatologist confirmed that yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and will need to start treatment ASAP. Although I knew somehow it was coming to this due to the lab results, part of me is still hoping that it wasn't the route I needed to go to.

Week before seeing the rheumatologist, my very sweet and kind physician comforted me that everything will be fine and that it's time for me to take care of myself. I have had joint pains and swelling for over 6 months and it has been the main reason why I am not as mobile as I used to be. There would be mornings that just combing my hair is a major obstacle for me. I have been teased many times of how I am still fat despite the fact that I've given birth months ago. And there were moments I would just cry out of frustration because I can't even make myself coffee.

I have been taking NSAIDs for the longest time, and about a month ago I decided to stop because pain doesn't go away. I have used Bengay and even the prescribed Voltaren gel which was not covered by insurance and we needed to pay $50 for it. I've went to a chiropractor. I've been having regular massages and has also been taking turmeric tea.

Finally came the day of my checkup with the rheumatologist. Although the appointment was brief (and I seriously felt I was being rushed), we asked a lot of questions. Medication side effects, diet, exercise and pregnancy.

Good news is, I can still get pregnant. Bad news is, it will be delayed. I even asked the doctor what will be the plan but he told me to focus on my treatment first and we will discuss the future afterwards.

Right now, I am taking Prednisone for 15 days to prep my joints for the "real thing". Doctor will be giving me Methotrexate, which I would jokingly call "Meth" which is a permanent medication. RA is a permanent thing, so is my medication. I felt my knees go weak when the doctor said "You will have to stop breastfeeding." As we walk out of the clinic that day, JR said "I'm sorry baby" and for the first time, I didn't know how to respond. I had to hold back tears because I know once I start crying, it will be hard to stop.

The news just didn't hit me. JR is hurt too. He is the constant witness of these pains and has always been supportive 100%. It scares the hell out of me knowing I have this (new) condition, but I am hopeful. With proper diet and exercise, I can be in remission and eventually work on baby #2.

For now, I will enjoy and savor the last 2 weeks of being able to breastfeed Justyne. It gives me tears knowing we will end this beautiful chapter of our relationship, but at the same time trying to be really positive in my treatment because it means being able to do more activities with her and JR.